it's been a week

Well you might have noticed that's it's been a week since i posted so if you were thinking that i might have had a bad dieting week then you would be right. It's like i'm self sabotaging or something, I want to lose weight more than anything-else in my life but i've never done it, i've never reached my end goal. I once got down to 9 stones 7lbs and still felt like i could do with losing another stone but I got distracted with work, education and my then new boyfriend, now husband dave. The fact is i guess deep down i don't believe it's achievable and part of me wishes sometimes that i could just accept that this is how i'm meant to be but truth is i know that this is not the real me, the real me is buried under 10 stones of fat, so i have to keep on going, have to keep trying to free the real me. I mean I often just get excited thinking about all the things that i would like to do if i were slim; swimming, hiking, going to theme parks, swim with dolphins, i mean that i was one of my biggest regrest on our honeymoon david went and swam with dolphins and i watched from the side lines because i was too self-conscious!! pathetic!!

Losing weight means too much to me for me just to give up so i need to keep going.