Saturday, 17 April 2010
it's been a week
Well you might have noticed that's it's been a week since i posted so if you were thinking that i might have had a bad dieting week then you would be right. It's like i'm self sabotaging or something, I want to lose weight more than anything-else in my life but i've never done it, i've never reached my end goal. I once got down to 9 stones 7lbs and still felt like i could do with losing another stone but I got distracted with work, education and my then new boyfriend, now husband dave. The fact is i guess deep down i don't believe it's achievable and part of me wishes sometimes that i could just accept that this is how i'm meant to be but truth is i know that this is not the real me, the real me is buried under 10 stones of fat, so i have to keep on going, have to keep trying to free the real me. I mean I often just get excited thinking about all the things that i would like to do if i were slim; swimming, hiking, going to theme parks, swim with dolphins, i mean that i was one of my biggest regrest on our honeymoon david went and swam with dolphins and i watched from the side lines because i was too self-conscious!! pathetic!!
Losing weight means too much to me for me just to give up so i need to keep going.
Losing weight means too much to me for me just to give up so i need to keep going.
Monday, 12 April 2010
the weekends over
Had a brilliant time at the hen night after worrying myself sick about going i just decided to let loose a bit and have fun and that's what i did. I got my hair and make up done to make me feel a bit more confident and it worked, i danced my socks off so hopefully burnt some calories off from the cocktails i'd had, fyi Dr Frankensteins cocktails are lovely. Anyway back to the grind this week i'm not sure counting calories is for me though so need to have a think about what route i'd like to take diet wise this week, might have a look at a low G.I. diet which is supposed to be good for diabetics.
We seem to be having lovely weather now but to be honest while most people are excited about this it fills me with complete dread. I live in black, black tops, black trousers, black jackets, black boots so when the sun comes out and people start stripping down to shorts, t-shirts/vests i crap myself and get tempted to hide myself away all the more. Why didn't i lose the weight during the winter so that i was ready for this nice weather coming in??? Just feels like another challenge, daily struggle when the nice weather gets here, alot of people get SAD disorder when winter comes i get it in the opposite order i'm happy in winter, depressed in the summer.
We seem to be having lovely weather now but to be honest while most people are excited about this it fills me with complete dread. I live in black, black tops, black trousers, black jackets, black boots so when the sun comes out and people start stripping down to shorts, t-shirts/vests i crap myself and get tempted to hide myself away all the more. Why didn't i lose the weight during the winter so that i was ready for this nice weather coming in??? Just feels like another challenge, daily struggle when the nice weather gets here, alot of people get SAD disorder when winter comes i get it in the opposite order i'm happy in winter, depressed in the summer.
Saturday, 10 April 2010
big weekend ahead
This weekend will be a challenge for me we're going out for Hailey's hen night, it's an overnight stay in Glasgow there will be lots of booze and a two course meal. I want to enjoy myself and don't want to bum everyone-else out by going on about calories all weekend so i'm resolving myself to making wise choices at dinner, nothing with a creamy sauce, tomato & chilli based sauces only and no dessert!!!
Generally when i'm out eating with people i don't really know that well i tend to by quite conservative with my eating, i'm like that when i eat out in general i don't like giving people the opportunity to say oh look at the fat girl eating loads! I wish we lived in a world where nobody judged anyone-else but it's just not like that, and overweight people i think, get a bit of a raw deal.
Everyone has their vice but unfortunately for most of the overweight our vice is food and it's obvious for others to see that but for someone whose vice is perhaps smoking or being a gambler, shopping addict or spends too much money out boozing and clubbing every weekend, it's not obvious from looking at them walking around what their weaknesses are and so with that people like me who are overweight it's glaringly obvious what our weakness is and we are so harshly criticised and ostricised from society because of this.
The Goverment keep going on and on about obesity and how much it's costing the NHS but really what support is out there for us from the NHS. Now by that i'm not saying that it's the NHS's problem and it's down to them to cure us but there are smoking cessation workshops and support groups ran by the nhs, gamblers and alcolholics annonymous clubs, counselling services all of which are free but us fatties what have we to do? put our hands in our pockets and pay for our own recovery by paying to go to fat clubs like slimming world, weight watchers etc which although many people do find supportive are at the end of the day businesses trying to make money and who will make money in anyway they can from those attending their classes and none of which target the real reasons for the persons obesity none of them looking at the psychology of it all.
I believe that in most cases, obesity is a symptom of a greater underlying problem but yet there is no NHS support groups out there targetting this instead the NHS is putting all it's efforts into a massive anti fat people campaign by telling the world how bad being fat is for you, like we don't all know that already! I've beenn told by my doctor that i need to get down to a BMI of 30 before i could get any fertility treatment if i needed it, fair enough, but why then do druggies and junkies get IVF on the NHS then? My niece is in primary one at school and she suddenly stopped eating just about anything, it was really quite stressful for her family. When they got to the bottom of it, it turned out a dietician had been giving them a talk at school about how bad sugar is for you, even in fruit, and she was terrified of eating anything incase there was sugar in it, she is 5 years old! I know they want to teach children the rights and wrongs of eating but it seems all they are achieving with this tactic is scaring 5 year old kids.
Anyway that's my rant over with, although i'm dying to get out of my fat body I hope that i will always remember how horrible it is to be big, how awful you feel within yourself, how much your beat yourself up and how outcast within society you feel so that i never go back and so that i never judge another living human being for whatever the reason may be.
Generally when i'm out eating with people i don't really know that well i tend to by quite conservative with my eating, i'm like that when i eat out in general i don't like giving people the opportunity to say oh look at the fat girl eating loads! I wish we lived in a world where nobody judged anyone-else but it's just not like that, and overweight people i think, get a bit of a raw deal.
Everyone has their vice but unfortunately for most of the overweight our vice is food and it's obvious for others to see that but for someone whose vice is perhaps smoking or being a gambler, shopping addict or spends too much money out boozing and clubbing every weekend, it's not obvious from looking at them walking around what their weaknesses are and so with that people like me who are overweight it's glaringly obvious what our weakness is and we are so harshly criticised and ostricised from society because of this.
The Goverment keep going on and on about obesity and how much it's costing the NHS but really what support is out there for us from the NHS. Now by that i'm not saying that it's the NHS's problem and it's down to them to cure us but there are smoking cessation workshops and support groups ran by the nhs, gamblers and alcolholics annonymous clubs, counselling services all of which are free but us fatties what have we to do? put our hands in our pockets and pay for our own recovery by paying to go to fat clubs like slimming world, weight watchers etc which although many people do find supportive are at the end of the day businesses trying to make money and who will make money in anyway they can from those attending their classes and none of which target the real reasons for the persons obesity none of them looking at the psychology of it all.
I believe that in most cases, obesity is a symptom of a greater underlying problem but yet there is no NHS support groups out there targetting this instead the NHS is putting all it's efforts into a massive anti fat people campaign by telling the world how bad being fat is for you, like we don't all know that already! I've beenn told by my doctor that i need to get down to a BMI of 30 before i could get any fertility treatment if i needed it, fair enough, but why then do druggies and junkies get IVF on the NHS then? My niece is in primary one at school and she suddenly stopped eating just about anything, it was really quite stressful for her family. When they got to the bottom of it, it turned out a dietician had been giving them a talk at school about how bad sugar is for you, even in fruit, and she was terrified of eating anything incase there was sugar in it, she is 5 years old! I know they want to teach children the rights and wrongs of eating but it seems all they are achieving with this tactic is scaring 5 year old kids.
Anyway that's my rant over with, although i'm dying to get out of my fat body I hope that i will always remember how horrible it is to be big, how awful you feel within yourself, how much your beat yourself up and how outcast within society you feel so that i never go back and so that i never judge another living human being for whatever the reason may be.
Thursday, 8 April 2010
First full day of dieting again
Well i'm managing to stick to my 1,360 calories for today, it's fine all day at work that's no bother at all it's when i get home that the problems begin. I don't buy biscuits or keep chocolate in the house because chances are if it was here, i'd eat it, maybe not when i'm feeling strong and positive about things but the minute that starts to fade i reckon i could polish off whatever chocolate was in the house so best not to have any in at all.
I have also managed to resist the temptation to go to the shops for chocolate and instead i've gave Amy a bath, cleaned my kitchen, dusted, hoovered lol the house is spotless, so maybe this healthy eating malarky might have some other positive side effects!!
Maybe if i manage to get through today i'll manage again tommorrow...
I have also managed to resist the temptation to go to the shops for chocolate and instead i've gave Amy a bath, cleaned my kitchen, dusted, hoovered lol the house is spotless, so maybe this healthy eating malarky might have some other positive side effects!!
Maybe if i manage to get through today i'll manage again tommorrow...
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
first post
I've decided to try and keep a blog to help me to stay on track on my weight loss journey.
I have tried to lose weight many, many times, i often lose some weight and then for one reason or another give up and end up putting on more weight than i lose. It's a familiar story i'm sure but really beyond a joke now that i'm heading up towards the dreaded 20 stones again.
I am nervous about posting my weight online but maybe it will make me accountable to it and help me stick to my new eating and fitness plan and hopefully help anyone-else out there who struggles with their weight. So here goes...
I started to gain weight shortly after I met my husband, i was 17 and also just started driving so gave up alot of walking and started driving everywhere instead even to mcdonalds, so i didn't even need to get out my car to have dinner! The weight began to pile on until i am where i am today. I was 20 stones 8lbs at my heaviest and lost 3 stones and vowed never to go above 20 stones again but i sit here today at 19 stones 6lbs so feel dangerously close to that zone again.
I am determined to get fit and healthy. I want to have a family and so feel to do this as safely as possible i need to lose weight. I am only 5ft tall so the top end of my healthy weight range is 9 stones 4lbs so i am extremely overweight for my height. It's a bit cliche but i don't think people really know how awful it feels to be so overweight unless they've been in this situation and believe me i wouldn't wish this on anyone. I write the following not to have anyone feel sorry for me but so that i can look back at this when i'm struggling with my new way of life and see how much i hate being so overweight, how it makes me feel and limits me. Being this overweight brings the following challenges and more:
Feeling self-conscious all the time
Not being able to buy the clothes that i would love to wear
Worrying about travelling anywhere especially on a plane worrying about whether or not the seat belt will fit
Going to a restaurant, worrying about what the chairs will be like, will it be booths etc.
Too self conscious to go to the gym or go swimming and I love swimming!
Worrying about any potential night out that comes along, what will i wear, what will i look like...
Not getting much sleep and feeling tired all the time
Waking up with a sore back every morning
Knee pain
Foot pain
The list goes on and on but the point is i'm not really living my life and just getting by and really,lifes too short to waste it by living like this! Noone-else is to blame for my weight gain, i'm the one who has the damage to myself and i'm the one who needs to fix it.
To get myself started and motivated i will set myself the following targets:
Ultimate weight loss goal: 10 stones 2 lbs taking me to a weight of 9 stones 4lbs
First weight loss goal: 1 stone by 27th May (my brothers wedding day)
Ultimate dress size: 10/12
Interim dress size: 18 by the end of June 2010
I am training with my personal trainer once a week but i aim to do another 3 sessions each week to begin with, this will be a mixture of the work i do with my trainer and exercise dvds and when i build my confidence up a bit hopefully the gym too.
I am planning on sticking to a calorie allowance each day given to me via myfitnesspal.co.uk app on iphone. This is currently set at 1360 calories per day.
So there you have it, that's a bit about me, what my aims are and how i hope to achieve this.
I will keep a blog on my progress, how i'm coping etc. If you have any comments, tips, advice these are all welcome.
Cheers, Louise
xx
I have tried to lose weight many, many times, i often lose some weight and then for one reason or another give up and end up putting on more weight than i lose. It's a familiar story i'm sure but really beyond a joke now that i'm heading up towards the dreaded 20 stones again.
I am nervous about posting my weight online but maybe it will make me accountable to it and help me stick to my new eating and fitness plan and hopefully help anyone-else out there who struggles with their weight. So here goes...
I started to gain weight shortly after I met my husband, i was 17 and also just started driving so gave up alot of walking and started driving everywhere instead even to mcdonalds, so i didn't even need to get out my car to have dinner! The weight began to pile on until i am where i am today. I was 20 stones 8lbs at my heaviest and lost 3 stones and vowed never to go above 20 stones again but i sit here today at 19 stones 6lbs so feel dangerously close to that zone again.
I am determined to get fit and healthy. I want to have a family and so feel to do this as safely as possible i need to lose weight. I am only 5ft tall so the top end of my healthy weight range is 9 stones 4lbs so i am extremely overweight for my height. It's a bit cliche but i don't think people really know how awful it feels to be so overweight unless they've been in this situation and believe me i wouldn't wish this on anyone. I write the following not to have anyone feel sorry for me but so that i can look back at this when i'm struggling with my new way of life and see how much i hate being so overweight, how it makes me feel and limits me. Being this overweight brings the following challenges and more:
Feeling self-conscious all the time
Not being able to buy the clothes that i would love to wear
Worrying about travelling anywhere especially on a plane worrying about whether or not the seat belt will fit
Going to a restaurant, worrying about what the chairs will be like, will it be booths etc.
Too self conscious to go to the gym or go swimming and I love swimming!
Worrying about any potential night out that comes along, what will i wear, what will i look like...
Not getting much sleep and feeling tired all the time
Waking up with a sore back every morning
Knee pain
Foot pain
The list goes on and on but the point is i'm not really living my life and just getting by and really,lifes too short to waste it by living like this! Noone-else is to blame for my weight gain, i'm the one who has the damage to myself and i'm the one who needs to fix it.
To get myself started and motivated i will set myself the following targets:
Ultimate weight loss goal: 10 stones 2 lbs taking me to a weight of 9 stones 4lbs
First weight loss goal: 1 stone by 27th May (my brothers wedding day)
Ultimate dress size: 10/12
Interim dress size: 18 by the end of June 2010
I am training with my personal trainer once a week but i aim to do another 3 sessions each week to begin with, this will be a mixture of the work i do with my trainer and exercise dvds and when i build my confidence up a bit hopefully the gym too.
I am planning on sticking to a calorie allowance each day given to me via myfitnesspal.co.uk app on iphone. This is currently set at 1360 calories per day.
So there you have it, that's a bit about me, what my aims are and how i hope to achieve this.
I will keep a blog on my progress, how i'm coping etc. If you have any comments, tips, advice these are all welcome.
Cheers, Louise
xx
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