big weekend ahead

This weekend will be a challenge for me we're going out for Hailey's hen night, it's an overnight stay in Glasgow there will be lots of booze and a two course meal. I want to enjoy myself and don't want to bum everyone-else out by going on about calories all weekend so i'm resolving myself to making wise choices at dinner, nothing with a creamy sauce, tomato & chilli based sauces only and no dessert!!!

Generally when i'm out eating with people i don't really know that well i tend to by quite conservative with my eating, i'm like that when i eat out in general i don't like giving people the opportunity to say oh look at the fat girl eating loads! I wish we lived in a world where nobody judged anyone-else but it's just not like that, and overweight people i think, get a bit of a raw deal.

Everyone has their vice but unfortunately for most of the overweight our vice is food and it's obvious for others to see that but for someone whose vice is perhaps smoking or being a gambler, shopping addict or spends too much money out boozing and clubbing every weekend, it's not obvious from looking at them walking around what their weaknesses are and so with that people like me who are overweight it's glaringly obvious what our weakness is and we are so harshly criticised and ostricised from society because of this.

The Goverment keep going on and on about obesity and how much it's costing the NHS but really what support is out there for us from the NHS. Now by that i'm not saying that it's the NHS's problem and it's down to them to cure us but there are smoking cessation workshops and support groups ran by the nhs, gamblers and alcolholics annonymous clubs, counselling services all of which are free but us fatties what have we to do? put our hands in our pockets and pay for our own recovery by paying to go to fat clubs like slimming world, weight watchers etc which although many people do find supportive are at the end of the day businesses trying to make money and who will make money in anyway they can from those attending their classes and none of which target the real reasons for the persons obesity none of them looking at the psychology of it all.

I believe that in most cases, obesity is a symptom of a greater underlying problem but yet there is no NHS support groups out there targetting this instead the NHS is putting all it's efforts into a massive anti fat people campaign by telling the world how bad being fat is for you, like we don't all know that already! I've beenn told by my doctor that i need to get down to a BMI of 30 before i could get any fertility treatment if i needed it, fair enough, but why then do druggies and junkies get IVF on the NHS then? My niece is in primary one at school and she suddenly stopped eating just about anything, it was really quite stressful for her family. When they got to the bottom of it, it turned out a dietician had been giving them a talk at school about how bad sugar is for you, even in fruit, and she was terrified of eating anything incase there was sugar in it, she is 5 years old! I know they want to teach children the rights and wrongs of eating but it seems all they are achieving with this tactic is scaring 5 year old kids.

Anyway that's my rant over with, although i'm dying to get out of my fat body I hope that i will always remember how horrible it is to be big, how awful you feel within yourself, how much your beat yourself up and how outcast within society you feel so that i never go back and so that i never judge another living human being for whatever the reason may be.